Sunday, April 24, 2011

Anxiety on Easter

Dear Readers,

First I'd like to say Happy Easter to those who celebrate it! My family celebrates it, so I'm happy that I'm home for it this year, since I'm in college and what not.

At the same time though, I'm scared. I'm afraid I'm going to eat too much because, well, that's what happens on Easter every year. Eat chocolate, have a big dinner, the whole nine yards. I got a chocolate bunny already. But I've decided that I'm going to just eat a little piece of it every day until it's gone. That way, I'm not overeating but I still get to eat it. Knowing that makes me feel a little bit better. Just writing this post right now is making me super anxious, I'm not entirely sure why. I know the food part of making me anxious, but what happened last night with my parents is making me anxious as well. I won't go into that, it has nothing to do with my eating habits and it will only make me more angry about what happened. So I just feel this intense anxiety right now. I'm trying to tell myself to just calm down and that usually works.

My brother is making pancakes right now, and he's upset that I told him I can't eat them. I made up the excuse that they're not whole grain. Didn't make him feel any better though, so I told him that I'll eat one pancake and that seemed to make him happy. I wish it didn't have to be this way, he loves cooking pancakes for us when he can (he's 15 years old by the way, just to let you all know). I wish that I was naturally skinny and had a fast metabolism so I could eat it. But I just can't. It's fattening, fills me up, full of sugar. Everything that I can't have. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so anxious right now. I'm sure it's just a combination of things because I still have school work that I have to finish that's due soon. It's hard trying to make the anxiety go away when there are so many things that cause it. Not exactly sure what to do right now.



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