Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Changing Directions

Dear Readers,

I only threw up three times over my spring break, which lasted ten days. That's not too bad! I felt like I was going to throw up more but I didn't. Unfortunately though I'm starting to develop another bad habit. I've been limiting my food to the point where my stomach hurts because I'm hungry. I haven't stopped eating all together, but I'm finding it easier and easier to limit what I eat. It seems like a good thing, but at the same time my body is begging for food, I can feel it. It's hard to ignore the pain, but every day it's been getting easier to limit the food I eat. Am I developing anorexia? I never thought I could do such a thing because I love to eat so much, which was why bulimia was so easy for me. But now that I find not eating easy, it seems as if this is my option. I don't need to throw up any more because I can limit what I eat, why would I even throw up in the first place?

I know that this isn't good for my body, I'm fully aware. But I want to be thin so bad that it hurts. I'm almost regretting getting help because they're going to tell me to eat more, and I do want to eat more, but I know that I shouldn't. Not sure what to do at this point.

Oh! And I found out that so far I lost two pounds. I guess it's good, I just wish this process would go faster.



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