Wednesday, April 13, 2011

No Matter What I Do

Dear Readers,

No matter how hard I try to eat things that are healthy and low in calories, I always find that it doesn't work. Like dinner for example. I ate a salad and had oil and vinegar dressing instead of honey mustard, only to find that oil and vinegar has a lot of calories. It almost ruined my calorie count for the day. Thank goodness I didn't go over. But it's things like this that make me just want to stop eating all together. Unfortunately, I can't do that. I like eating too much and get the urges to eat all the time. I could never become anorexic for that reason, as well as the fear of my metabolism slowing down. Basically, I don't know what to do. I can't starve myself, and throwing up doesn't do anything apparently, and even when I do try to eat healthy that doesn't work.

I found out that there's a nutritionist on campus, so I think I'm going to call her. I'm going to talk to my counselor first though and see if she thinks that's a good idea. I'm not sure what the nutritionist will tell me. I know so many things about food, I have a feeling that everything she tells me will be something I already know. But it won't hurt to try I suppose. I'm just not sure what she can really do for me. Apparently, the treatment for bulimia is going to see a nutritionist.

I just feel so empty, alone, and broken. I have nobody to understand exactly what I feel, with the exception of some people on my other blog. Some of them understand completely, and that's great. But I can only relate through the internet. I feel like giving up and crying and breaking down. I'm afraid to tell anybody, I don't want to be a weight on somebody's shoulders. That's what I did to my best friend, I felt like a burden even though he told me that I wasn't. He has too many other things to deal with, problems worse than mine, and there I am bothering him. He says he likes to help me. But at the same time, I have a feeling he's lying. So what do I do?

Two more days till I see the counselor...



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